![]() The current challenge is people talking to me, which i call othertalk. but i cannot direct the healing at this moment. i did confirm that deleting stress in one part of the body makes the energy available for healing. maybe energy cannot feel itself? i don't know anyway that is the frontier of my discovery at the moment. maybe because it's just energy like eckhart tolle says. for example, when i ask, what is having this idea? what is this made of? i cannot see the physical structure. i have reached a limit for the moment in terms of what ideas are. i can walk around the theater of my mind instead of sitting there. after five months of meditation i learned to bring it with me as i walk around the forest or the city. then, i could see the ideas floating across the sky of my mind, not affecting the peace of mind. and i could see the connections between ideas and emotions, and dissolve those connections. and i could change from one train of thought to another instantly. and then i began to see amazing assemblies of ideas. and moreover, i can directly replace any idea with another idea. ![]() there i could see ALL my thoughts and realize "these are just ideas - they're not the truth" just as yongey minyur rinpoche states in his book. it was the next important step after learning about breathing.īut really amazing things happened in meditation. instead i observed them rise and fall without incident. this is the value of sitting in meditation for me: forcing myself to sit there for an hour prevented me from expressing any of the ego habits. However, in meditation i was seated in the theater of my mind, where i could see every habit. in fact, the habit of anxiety and the habit of sex addiction are similar in this way. as i see it, the ego is a set of deeply trained, pre-conceived, biased, prejudiced thought patterns which are connected to emotions and physical reactions. when that ended in disaster, i practiced serious meditation for 2 months just to figure out what was happening. i found one in borneo and got into an unconscious sexual addiction. one is the deeply conditioned habit to look for women and sex. There are too many such habits to list them all. the people don't know their bodies are asleep in a tank. programmed behavior, so deeply programmed that i could not see the program. i fixed the physical symptoms of depression but remained unaware that my daily life was the expression of thousands of automatic habits and reactions. There were still years to practice and many more revelations about awareness to discover. when the pilot wakes up she can steer the boat consciously and make more objective decisions. like i'm sailing a boat but i am actually dreaming, and the boat roams into random reefs and weather. selective ignorance, reductive logic, i have many names for it. i could not objectively observe myself because everything i saw was recursively subject to my warped perception. but i am now aware that the habits of my mind previously made me effectively unconscious. and i was amazed that it took 25 years to figure this out. i did not experience the pain in my chest nor any depression. So the next day i did the breathing focus the entire day. this is also the point of scraping bottom as hans called it, where business as usual is no longer possible and some people get to that point before they start searching for answers in meditation. although that may sound impractical to most people, i was at a point in life where it was difficult to achieve anything because of the anxiety. The next day i set up a plan to monitor my breathing and make each breath intentional. i immediately forced myself to breathe smoothly, and as a consequence, the anxiety emotion disappeared. it seemed that an idea in my head triggered an emotion, which in turn caused the physical reaction of short breath. The solution began for me in 2017, walking along the river in kampot, when i suddenly noticed that my anxiety feelings occurred and i was not breathing freely and smoothly. ![]() ![]() the way to resolve that problem is to replace those thoughts with others ideas which cause contentment and satisfaction. have the thought and trigger the emotion. my behavior was a collection of thoughts which i repeated frequently with predictable results. except that i have not forgotten the cure, because i practice it every day.ĭepression and anxiety are emotional states which are connected to ideas and thoughts. and that's human nature: problems solved are quickly forgotten. I had forgotten about the journal, which was one expression of the problem, until today. The problems of depression which i described in previous journal entries are solved. Tomorrow i will make my reality a fantasy Yesterday i tried to make my fantasy a reality With the great polar bear in the crisp night air
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |